Dr. Sax (Part 1)
Ok, I’m not going to lie…it’s been a rough week. I was going to write something more prose-worthy, but in an effort to finish before the cafe closes and I lose my precious free wireless, it’s in MLA Handbook Outline Form. Ok, I totally just lied. I’m trying to write this, chat with men on both MSN Messenger AND PlanetRomeo (which is difficult to keep track of, as I’ve abandoned the spreadsheet approach) drink my cappuccino and my precious coca-cola, AND eavesdrop on the Erasmus girls at the table next to me talking about “Gossip Girl”….
I. I got three rejections from guys, nearly in a row. This is a first, and moderately annoying.
A. Marco (yes, this is the 8th Marco I think)
i. FIRST! I’m an idiot and got suckered into having coffee at 8 fucking 30 in the morning. Yes, yes, I don’t make the best decisions chatting at 2 AM. I admit it. But, I haven’t woken up before 10 the entire time I’ve been here, and it was just stupid of me.
a. Because, clearly I’m not at my best after a few glasses of wine and 4 hours of sleep
b. And, by “get coffee,” Marco actually meant, “get coffee.” Stupid. So I drank my shot of espresso, chatted with him on the way to his bus stop, and made plans to fuck that evening.
ii. Um, and then how do you go to the cinema instead of having sex? A movie was chosen over my treasured American skillset? Well, I never…
B. Guy whose name I forgot already
i. Ok, I’m sorry you have to go through 4 doors to get to your apartment. And I was quite clear that I spoke very little Italian, so giving me directions in fast Italian, and through the squawk box at the door, is not going to get me there.
ii. Next time, just slam the door in my face. It’s easier! Please don’t offer me water, sit next to me and clearly ignore me while watching an Italian made-for-tv movie.
iii. Um, having sex was YOUR idea, thanks for making me walk 30 minutes, waste another 30 minutes on the couch, and then tell me you don’t think so. It’s freakin’ cold outside! Another walk-of-shame…
C. Igor (oh yes, his real name…)
i. Ok, technically I rejected the hell out of him, but there was still a time factor involved, in which I could have hooked up with someone else…
ii. With a name like Igor, I’m going to need you to be at least a little hot, and to not ask me how Americans deal with immigrants because they are such a horrible problem in Italy. Obviously forgetting that virtually all Americans are immigrants…[Add in here, the Italian conversation from the previous post, nearly word for word]
iii. “Yes, that’s great that your house is only just down this street. Strangely enough, my roommate just called, and I’m off to dinner, but let’s do this again…no, really…”
II. I went to the dentist
A. Actually not an altogether bad experience, but yet another reminder of the fact that my language skills suck ass.
B. Also quite a hit on my quickly shrinking pocketbook
C. But, surely there is a level of confidence to be derived by not having a giant chip out of your very front tooth? We shall see…
III. I am sick AGAIN.
A. I mean really. I know it’s a foreign country, but seriously? I NEVER get sick in the U.S. And in one month (i’ll spare you the details) I’ve been sick twice.
B. One cannot be a whore when one is having “issues.” *sigh*
C. Because of said sickness, I decided it would not be wise to eat this:
Oh yes, it’s a pizza with french fries and cut up hotdog pieces on it…mmmm…..
IV. Here, in the middle of my damn post, I become unbelievably annoyed that WordPress doesn’t seem to support an outline format, and I am way too lazy to go back and change everything, so I hope it wasn’t too horrible to read with all the weird spacing….. The next half will be normally written…where I finally have sex again, and go to an all-night disco (again!)….